Movies of the Month: February 2013

February is shaping up to be a so-so month at the theater, which is pretty typical of February schedules. The good stuff from 2013 hasn’t yet arrived (but rest assured, 2013 will be a good year). For now, we get a bunch of Valentine’s Day movies, a few action films, an animated feature, one very bizarre sequel, and the return of John McClane, who just will not die.

Week of February 1, 2013

Warm Bodies

The Plot: A zombie with a heart of gold falls in love with a human girl after eating her boyfriend’s brains. Really, it’s romantic and stuff.

Who’s in it? Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, John Malkovich

Ultimate Fate: It’s a cute romantic comedy with zombies. By all accounts, Warm Bodies takes a fresh approach to the worn out zombie genre by injecting humor and romance to the usual horror trappings. Think more like Zombieland and less like Night of the Living Dead. It has the potential to be a fun and unique Valentine’s Day movie.

Bullet to the Head

The Plot: A hitman and a detective team up to take down a criminal overlord and rescue/avenge the hitman’s daughter.

Who’s in it? Sylvester Stallone, Jason Momoa, Christian Slater, Sung Kang

Ultimate Fate: A Sylvester Stallone film just a few weeks from an Arnold Schwarzenegger film? Sweet! The 13-year-old kid in me is jumping up and down with excitement. Too bad it’s February 2013 and not February 1992. Stallone is in pretty good fighting shape for an AARP cardholder. And, this film has Jason Momoa, who was Conan the Barbarian in the failed franchise reboot from a few years ago. These two fight with axes, so that should be fun.

The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia

The Plot: A family moves down to Georgia and is haunted by ghosts from the Underground Railroad

Who’s in it? Abigail Spencer, Katee Sackhoff, Chad Michael Murray

Ultimate Fate: I understand the need to develop franchises and to maintain a sense of brand recognition, but this one kills me. How can you have a sequel of A Haunting in Connecticut and set it in Georgia? Silly. I don’t know how good or bad this film will be. I can’t get past the dumb title to think about the actual film. If the rest of the film is as lazy, sloppy, and idiotic as the title, then we’ll be in for a real boring horror film.

Stand Up Guys

The Plot: Upon his release from jail, a con man and his buddies reunite for one epic night on the town. Unfortunately, his friends have one last assignment to carry out – kill their buddy who just spent years in jail.

Who’s in it? Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, Alan Arkin

Ultimate Fate: That’s a strong lineup of acting talent. With those guys involved, you know it’s going to be a funny, intense, and sad affair. Should be a fun time.

Where I’ll be this weekend: I’ll be watching Rocky beat up Conan v. 2.0. Too much popcorn-munching silliness in that for me to pass up. If I’m feeling a bit more serious, or if I want to watch real actors, I’ll check out Stand Up Guys.

Week of February 8, 2013

Identity Thief

The Plot: A crazy woman steals a man’s identity. Since the cops have never encountered a case of identity theft and have no idea what to do, the man must track down the thief himself.

Who’s in it? Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy

Ultimate Fate: A goofy comedy if there ever was. McCarthy made a name for herself as the crazy one in Bridesmaids. Actually, all of those girls were crazy; McCarthy was just the craziest. Bateman plays the loveable loser pretty well. Pair those two up and let McCarthy abuse Bateman for two hours? Surely this must be comedy gold. My snarky attitude aside, this will probably be a fun R-rated comedy. Have fun, if that’s your thing.

Side Effects

The Plot: A new drug seems to work wonders for anxiety disorders, but it also has dangerous side effects. Its patients keep finding themselves involved in unexpected and potentially fatal situations.

Who’s in it? Rooney Mara, Channing Tatum, Jude Law, Catherine Zeta-Jones

Ultimate Fate: Director Stephen Soderbergh is retiring after Side Effects, and it looks like he’ll be going out in style. A slick crime thriller set in the medical world involving a drug that may or may not make its patients kill? Sounds intriguing. And, given its strong cast, this should be a good drama for Soderbergh to go out on.

Where I’ll be this weekend: You can have the comedy. Give me a great director telling an interesting and unique tale any day.

Week of Febaruary 15, 2013

A Good Day to Die Hard

The Plot: You cannot simply kill John McClane. This time, he teams up with his son in Moscow to stop a terrorist from selling nuclear weapons.

Who’s in it? Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Ultimate Fate: The fifth entry in the Die Hard franchise sees indestructible John McClane taking on even more terrorists. You would think they would hold off on their nefarious plans when he’s in town. After a couple of weak action films in 2013, we finally get one that at least tries to go big. Every lonely, dateless guy on Valentine’s Day (including me) will be here watching stuff get shot up.

Beautiful Creatures

The Plot: A young caster coming up on her 16^th birthday must decide if she’ll be a good witch or a bad witch. Unfortunately, the arrival of a young man makes it soo hard to decide to be good/bad.

Who’s in it? Alice Englert, Viola Davis, Emma Thompson, Emmy Rossum

Ultimate Fate: A tween novel that Warner Brothers hopes will take over for the Harry Potter franchise. Good luck with that. The trailers feature a lot of exposition (they should just read the novel and get it over with) and cheap special effects. I’m sure teenage girls will find it adorable. But, unlike Harry Potter, Beautiful Creatures won’t appeal to a wider audience.

Safe Haven

The Plot: A young woman on the run finds herself in a quiet town far from her troubles. Even better, a hunky guy has eyes for her. As romance blossoms, her past catches up to her and threatens her new life.

Who’s in it? Josh Duhamel, Julianne Hough, David Lyons

Ultimate Fate: It’s a Nicholas Sparks film, so buy into it if you enjoyed The Lucky One, Dear John, Nights in Rodanthe, The Notebook, or any of his other book-to-film adaptations. It might make for a great date night for the ladies and a bearable date night for the guys.

Escape From Planet Earth

The Plot: An alien gets trapped on Earth, and it’s up to his brother and a rag-tag group of aliens to help him escape.

Who’s in it? The voices of Brendan Fraser, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jessica Alba, William Shatner, and more.

Ultimate Fate: Do you know what we haven’t had in theaters for a while? An animated kids film. This one seems cute and adventurous enough to entertain. I don’t know if it will have the crossover appeal to reel in adults, but a least the kiddies should have a good time.

Where I’ll be this weekend: Dying. Harder. Enjoy your tween flick and your Nicholas Sparks weeper. As a real man, the only reasonable option this weekend is to watch John McClane shoot bad guys with automatic weapons. Or missiles. I hope he gets his hands on a missile.

Week of February 22, 2013

Snitch

The Plot: A tough-guy father agrees to become an informant against a drug cartel in exchange for his son’s early release from prison.

Who’s in it? The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Susan Sarandon, Benjamin Bratt

Ultimate Fate: Let's face it, The Rock is one of the best action stars around. Not only is he a physical beast, he also has lots of charisma and attitude to go with it. Give him a role where he can beat people up on a regular basis and act like he cares. Sounds like fun.

Dark Skies

The Plot: A suburban family finds itself in the midst of a series of unexplainable events. A dark power seems to be targeting them, but who, or what, is responsible?

Who’s in it? Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton

Ultimate Fate: From the makers of Paranormal Activity and Insidious. That should tell you a lot about what to expect from this film. It’s a spooky little film full of disturbing imagery and jump-scares.

Where I’ll be this week: Snitch, I suppose. It’s a thin weekend, but The Rock should be entertaining enough for a look.

Movie of the Month: February is a weak month overall, but there are a couple of good options to consider. I recommend A Good Day to Die Hard, just because we get to see John McClane destroy half of Moscow. If you’re less interested in explosions (and why would you be?) and more interest in zombies and/or romance, check out Warm Bodies.

Are you excited to see John McClane shoot a bunch of Russian baddies? Does a heartwarming story of love and zombies float your boat? Let me know in the comments below or on Twitter!