February is shaping up to be a so-so month at the theater,
which is pretty typical of February schedules. The good stuff from 2013 hasn’t
yet arrived (but rest assured, 2013 will
be a good year). For now, we get a bunch of Valentine’s Day movies, a few action
films, an animated feature, one very bizarre sequel, and the return of John
McClane, who just will not die.
Week of February 1, 2013
Warm Bodies
The Plot: A zombie with a heart of gold falls in love with a
human girl after eating her boyfriend’s brains. Really, it’s romantic and stuff.
Who’s in it? Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, John Malkovich
Ultimate Fate: It’s a cute romantic comedy with zombies. By
all accounts, Warm Bodies takes a
fresh approach to the worn out zombie genre by injecting humor and romance to
the usual horror trappings. Think more like Zombieland
and less like Night of the Living Dead.
It has the potential to be a fun and unique Valentine’s Day movie.
Bullet to the Head
The Plot: A hitman and a detective team up to take down a
criminal overlord and rescue/avenge the hitman’s daughter.
Who’s in it? Sylvester Stallone, Jason Momoa, Christian
Slater, Sung Kang
Ultimate Fate: A Sylvester Stallone film just a few weeks
from an Arnold Schwarzenegger film? Sweet! The 13-year-old kid in me is jumping
up and down with excitement. Too bad it’s February 2013 and not February 1992.
Stallone is in pretty good fighting shape for an AARP cardholder. And, this
film has Jason Momoa, who was Conan the Barbarian in the failed franchise
reboot from a few years ago. These two fight with axes, so that should be fun.
The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia
The Plot: A family moves down to Georgia and is haunted by
ghosts from the Underground Railroad
Who’s in it? Abigail Spencer, Katee Sackhoff, Chad Michael
Murray
Ultimate Fate: I understand the need to develop franchises
and to maintain a sense of brand recognition, but this one kills me. How can
you have a sequel of A Haunting in
Connecticut and set it in Georgia? Silly. I don’t know how good or bad this
film will be. I can’t get past the dumb title to think about the actual film.
If the rest of the film is as lazy, sloppy, and idiotic as the title, then
we’ll be in for a real boring horror film.
Stand Up Guys
The Plot: Upon his release from jail, a con man and his
buddies reunite for one epic night on the town. Unfortunately, his friends have
one last assignment to carry out – kill their buddy who just spent years in
jail.
Who’s in it? Al Pacino, Christopher Walken, Alan Arkin
Ultimate Fate: That’s a strong lineup of acting talent. With
those guys involved, you know it’s going to be a funny, intense, and sad
affair. Should be a fun time.
Where I’ll be this weekend: I’ll be watching Rocky beat up
Conan v. 2.0. Too much popcorn-munching silliness in that for me to pass up. If
I’m feeling a bit more serious, or if I want to watch real actors, I’ll check
out Stand Up Guys.
Week of February 8, 2013
Identity Thief
The Plot: A crazy woman steals a man’s identity. Since the
cops have never encountered a case of
identity theft and have no idea what
to do, the man must track down the thief himself.
Who’s in it? Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy
Ultimate Fate: A goofy comedy if there ever was. McCarthy
made a name for herself as the crazy one in Bridesmaids.
Actually, all of those girls were crazy; McCarthy was just the craziest.
Bateman plays the loveable loser pretty well. Pair those two up and let
McCarthy abuse Bateman for two hours? Surely this must be comedy gold. My
snarky attitude aside, this will probably be a fun R-rated comedy. Have fun, if
that’s your thing.
Side Effects
The Plot: A new drug seems to work wonders for anxiety
disorders, but it also has dangerous side effects. Its patients keep finding
themselves involved in unexpected and potentially fatal situations.
Who’s in it? Rooney Mara, Channing Tatum, Jude Law,
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Ultimate Fate: Director Stephen Soderbergh is retiring after
Side Effects, and it looks like he’ll
be going out in style. A slick crime thriller set in the medical world
involving a drug that may or may not make its patients kill? Sounds intriguing.
And, given its strong cast, this should be a good drama for Soderbergh to go out
on.
Where I’ll be this weekend: You can have the comedy. Give me
a great director telling an interesting and unique tale any day.
Week of Febaruary 15, 2013
A Good Day to Die Hard
The Plot: You cannot simply kill John McClane. This time, he
teams up with his son in Moscow to stop a terrorist from selling nuclear
weapons.
Who’s in it? Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Mary Elizabeth
Winstead
Ultimate Fate: The fifth entry in the Die Hard franchise
sees indestructible John McClane taking on even more terrorists. You would
think they would hold off on their nefarious plans when he’s in town.
After a couple of weak action films in 2013, we finally get one that at least
tries to go big. Every lonely, dateless guy on Valentine’s Day (including me) will
be here watching stuff get shot up.
Beautiful Creatures
The Plot: A young caster coming up on her 16th
birthday must decide if she’ll be a good witch or a bad witch. Unfortunately,
the arrival of a young man makes it soo hard
to decide to be good/bad.
Who’s in it? Alice Englert, Viola Davis, Emma Thompson, Emmy
Rossum
Ultimate Fate: A tween novel that Warner Brothers hopes will
take over for the Harry Potter franchise. Good luck with that. The trailers
feature a lot of exposition (they should just read the novel and get it over
with) and cheap special effects. I’m sure teenage girls will find it adorable.
But, unlike Harry Potter, Beautiful
Creatures won’t appeal to a wider audience.
Safe Haven
The Plot: A young woman on the run finds herself in a quiet
town far from her troubles. Even better, a hunky guy has eyes for her. As
romance blossoms, her past catches up to her and threatens her new life.
Who’s in it? Josh Duhamel, Julianne Hough, David Lyons
Ultimate Fate: It’s a Nicholas Sparks film, so buy into it
if you enjoyed The Lucky One, Dear John, Nights in Rodanthe, The
Notebook, or any of his other book-to-film adaptations. It might make for a
great date night for the ladies and a bearable date night for the guys.
Escape From Planet Earth
The Plot: An alien gets trapped on Earth, and it’s up to his
brother and a rag-tag group of aliens to help him escape.
Who’s in it? The voices of Brendan Fraser, Sarah Jessica
Parker, Jessica Alba, William Shatner, and more.
Ultimate Fate: Do you know what we haven’t had in theaters
for a while? An animated kids film. This one seems cute and adventurous enough
to entertain. I don’t know if it will have the crossover appeal to reel in adults,
but a least the kiddies should have a good time.
Where I’ll be this weekend: Dying. Harder. Enjoy your tween
flick and your Nicholas Sparks weeper. As a real man, the only reasonable
option this weekend is to watch John McClane shoot bad guys with automatic
weapons. Or missiles. I hope he gets his hands on a missile.
Week of February 22, 2013
Snitch
The Plot: A tough-guy father agrees to become an informant
against a drug cartel in exchange for his son’s early release from prison.
Who’s in it? The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Susan Sarandon,
Benjamin Bratt
Ultimate Fate: Let's face it, The Rock is one of the best action stars
around. Not only is he a physical beast, he also has lots of charisma and
attitude to go with it. Give him a role where he can beat people up on a
regular basis and act like he cares. Sounds like fun.
Dark Skies
The Plot: A suburban family finds itself in the midst of a
series of unexplainable events. A dark power seems to be targeting them, but
who, or what, is responsible?
Who’s in it? Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton
Ultimate Fate: From the makers of Paranormal Activity and Insidious.
That should tell you a lot about what to expect from this film. It’s a spooky
little film full of disturbing imagery and jump-scares.
Where I’ll be this week: Snitch,
I suppose. It’s a thin weekend, but The Rock should be entertaining enough for
a look.
Movie of the Month: February is a weak month overall, but there are a couple of good options to consider. I recommend A Good Day to Die Hard, just because we get to see John McClane destroy half of Moscow. If you’re less interested in explosions (and why would you be?) and more interest in zombies and/or romance, check out Warm Bodies.
Are you excited to see John McClane shoot a bunch of Russian baddies? Does a heartwarming story of love and zombies float your boat? Let me know in the comments below or on Twitter!