99¢ Review: The Thing

I watch a lot of movies (Check out my list of movies seen in 2011), but I don’t always have the time to write up a full review. Instead, I thought I would start up a new column where I give you the discount version of the review. What’s good, what’s bad, if it’s worth your time.

The Good: Wild creature designs

The Bad: The story, the acting, the lack of any sense of dread

When the 2011 version of The Thing was announced, nobody was sure if it would be a remake or a sequel to the 1982 version. Apparently, the filmmakers themselves weren’t sure either. By the strictest definition of the word, the new version is a prequel, but in truth it comes out as a weird amalgamation of both. The story closely follows the beats of the original giving the remake a very familiar feel.

Set shortly before the events of the original movie, the story has a paleontologist traveling to Antarctica to uncover a specimen buried in the ice. The creature from the ice is, of course, capable of replicating any lifeform. It mimics people and their actions and uses this to hunt its next victim. The Thing can morph into a hideous creature and attack in stunning and horrible fashion. The great concept is that the Thing can be anyone or anything, and nobody knows who it’ll be.

The most amazing thing about the movie is that it squanders this setup completely and has absolutely none of the tension of the original. It’s amazing how the concept that anyone around you can turn into a vicious beast and rip you apart falls so flat. Part of the problem is that virtually none of the characters have any redeeming qualities that make you care if they survive. They are all either completely flat or outright jerks/idiots/worthless people. The film plays out a bit too fast. It doesn't take time to reflect on any particular scene before it races on to the next story point. These types of films need to have slow periods where you feel the dread building in the air, but these are few and far between. The creature designs, however, are pretty cool, and it’s fun when they come out to play. The use of practical effects in most scenes gives the creatures a sense of realness that you just can't replicate with CGI. 

Parts of the film were exciting enough, but, overall, it lacked the tension that you expect from a quality horror film. The 1982 version was a true classic and makes this remake/prequel a bit too redundant. Look to John Carpenter's version for an entertaining movie about body-jacking aliens.

2 out of 5 stars